It has been over 12 years since the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT), allowing LGBTQ+ men and women to serve the country they love openly: living out, living proud and paving the way for the inclusion of all LGBTQ+ service members in the United States military.
Under the former DADT policy (1994-2001), service members should not have faced questioning about their sexual orientation, and revealing it would lead to discharge. Navy Veteran Asher Honish, assistant chief for the Prosthetic & Sensory Aids Service at the Palo Alto Health Care System and newly elected President of PrideVA, shares his perspective of the life-altering effects of DADT.
Walking into the recruiter’s office on a Friday and into boot camp on Monday, Honish enlisted in 2001 and served for 16 years—but was discharged twice because of the policy.
During his first enlistment working as a linguist at Fort Gordon near Augusta, Georgia, under DADT, Honish revealed his sexuality to his wife on their wedding night. As a result, Honish and his former wife decided to annul their marriage. Following the annulment, his former spouse ensured his unit was aware of the reason behind the annulment, leading to Honish’s first discharge under DADT.
“All of a sudden, I got pulled out of work and told that my clearance had been temporarily revoked. ‘You’re being investigated,’ they said. And within a couple of months, I was ushered to the front gate of Fort Gordon and that was it,” Honish said.
“I felt like a criminal.”
Due to a clerical error, his sexuality was not listed in his initial discharge records, making him an active reservist and eligible for recall. In 2006, Honish was called back to active duty. He served openly for a year in Kuwait without any problems until he was featured in a Stars and Stripes cover story that described his experience as an openly gay man serving in the Armed Forces. As a result, he was discharged again under the policy. Afterward, he worked with the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, which provided free legal services to LGBTQ+ service members affected by DADT.
“Something as small as finding a Melissa Etheridge CD in a straight buddy’s bunk could turn into a weapon against them. Whole careers were ruined over nothing. And hearing about the harassment and violence people went through because of it, it is just heartbreaking,” Honish said.
After the repeal of DADT, Honish returned to active duty and became the first service member to do so after the end of the restrictions.
“The harassment was unpredictable.”
While the policy has been legally repealed, many continue to endure the devastating effects of DADT. Initially, harassment varied and depended on the culture that the commanders and other individuals in the unit fostered. “The harassment was unpredictable and there was no particular pattern to it,” Honish said.
It has been over a decade following the repeal, and the damaging effects of harassment and prejudice on LGBTQ+ service members and Veterans who served under the policy are clearer. LGBTQ+ service members are more likely to experience sexual harassment, stalking and sexual assault than their non-LGBTQ+ counterparts, and 59% of LGBTQ+ service members are not openly gay in their workplace.
Honish wants anyone affected by DADT to know Veterans can find help and support through VA’s health care system regardless of where they are in the country. “Whether you need to report an instance of harassment or discuss past experiences related to issues like DADT, there is always someone you can reach out to for assistance,” Honish said.
There is an LGBTQ+ Veteran care coordinator (LGBTQ+ VCC) at every facility to help you get the care you need. VA policies require that your health care is delivered in an affirming and inclusive environment and that VHA employees respect your identity. Contact the LGBTQ+ VCC at your nearest facility.
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has been abolished but that doesn’t mean that harassment has ended,” Honish reminded.
Explore the resources available to you
VA’s policies and programs are designed to meet the unique needs of all Veterans. The Veteran LGBTQ+ community is still affected by DADT and VA shares a responsibility for ensuring all our Veterans experience a welcoming, inclusive and fair VA.
If you are struggling with the effects of sexual trauma, you are not alone. VA has resources to support Veterans who have experienced sexual trauma at any point in their lives. Explore the resources and learn which might work best for you.
If you are a Veteran who experienced or witnessed sexual assault or harassment at a VA facility, please tell someone you trust at a VA location. For example, tell the VA Police, a Patient Advocate or your health care provider. If you’ve left the facility, call 1-800-MyVA411 (1-800-698-2411) and select option 9. The call center is staffed to answer reports of this nature all day every day.
It is our priority to make our stories educational where we can engage empathetically and thoughtfully with difficult content, when appropriate, maintaining a safe, welcoming and inclusive culture for all. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault or harassment, support is available.
If you’re a Veteran in crisis or concerned about one, contact the Veterans Crisis Line to receive 24/7 confidential support. You don’t have to be enrolled in VA benefits or health care to connect. To reach responders, Dial 988 then Press 1, chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat, or text 838255.
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Army Veteran Denis Velez donated a painting of his VA hospital as a way of giving back for his treatment there.
“Today he advocates for gender-affirming care for all Veterans.”
Uh, I could not seem to find this mentioned at all in the article. This is a frequent occurrence . As one who is labeled as the T portion of the LGBTQ+, the article being all LG leaves me with the feeling of being bait and switched, so to speak. Most of “T” folks loathe labels, and this organization just loves that labeling. That stems from the unique struggles that each one of us faces. So, we can appreciate everyone’s different struggles. Being disparately lumped into a defined group of persons; in an organization so galvanized focused on the triumvirate founders (LGB), leaves me feeling secondary, a bit of an afterthought. So if we are going to be inclusive here, at least include us in the article. It is like watching an entire 40 minute UTub video, just to see what was shown in the video thumbnail, and it is not even in the video!
Thank you for sharing your story and highlighting resources for support!
Awesome, Mr. Honish. Know something? The resources available bottleneck depending on where a veteran lives. The VCC, Patient Advocates, and VISN in the Atlanta, GA area are lousy. There is a serious staffing problem out here and the VCC has to do their other job while servicing LGBTQ+ Veterans part-time. It isn’t working!!!!! The VISN looked promising and then fell off the map. I’m tired of chasing people around when I sleep during the day. Post-pandemic is even worse than it was pre-pandemic.
What’s crazy about all this is I hope they realize we know the military is the largest employer of LGBTQ+ people. You’d think they would get over themselves by now.
Harassment and abuse comes from many different places in the military. In my 30 years of service of both enlisted and then commissioned service on active duty, reserve and national guard status, I was harassed by a click of gay women who had a quest for power to prove themselves (pre DADT), a GS civilian person who felt he was being dejected because of his race, an NCO who didn’t want women in the service, an officer who wanted to punish me for not lying to protect his peer and by two senior military officers who didn’t like or respect the National Guard. Better training on how to behave needs to be taught to all military and government workers as we do a lousy job of it. It’s not all about sexual harassment, affirmative action and tolerance toward the gay community.
I never got the chance to serve my country because I’m gay…I’ll never forget and I painfully remember going into a recruitment office back in 1983 right out of high school to enlist and being the naive kid that I was at the time…I was asked if I was homosexual…and I said “yes”…the recruitment officer immediately got up from his desk and looked at me with disgust and said…”get out of here you f****t” and then “he spit in my face.” I was utterly dumbfounded and completely humiliated beyond repair…I couldn’t believe the hatred and disgust being shown to me…as I was still an impressionable 17 year old young man….I never tried to enlist again after that day and also once I learned about the military’s policy toward LGBTQIA+ individuals…I’m now 59 years old and I’ve carried this horrible secret and this shameful burden for the last 41 years…I’m glad to see the military has made great strides since my one and only visit to a recruitment center back in 1983…for years I resented and despised the military for what happened to me…even though I knew that what happened to me was just the product of one man’s bigotry, hatred and ignorance…but he was representing the military and its policies and I was never fully able to get over the hurt and pain for a long time…It still bothers me to this day that…”I was robbed of my opportunity to serve my country years ago with love, dignity and respect”…due to the military’s hateful and shameful policy against a large segment of American society based solely upon who they love…I hope the military never regresses and goes back to those hateful disgusting times…because nobody deserves the kind of treatment that I received that day just for wanting to honorably serve the country that I still love to this day…Do I love and respect the military? Well…let’s just say that although I’ve made great strides…I’m still working on that part…
I hope one day that shame will become pride. It isn’t an easy thing for many to even consider enlisting in the military, let alone the time that you attempted. Thank you for your willingness to try.
I’m sorry you had that experience with the ignorant recruiter. You tried which is more than many who think they are the big macho type and never would consider enlisting. We weren’t asked that question when I registered for the draft in 1968, however some guys tried to get a 4-F by saying they were gay. One SSgt said “prove it,” needless to say, none tried to prove it. I’ve been called Faggot many times, I’d reply,”Thank you, I’m proud of who I am,” they’d be confused. Ignorance is an illness. Don’t blame all in the military, it’s a small number of small minded people. I loved my time, even though it was a bad time of Vietnam where all in the military were treated horribly by the country. I miss my friends, my military family straight and gay, several killed in that war. The hurt never goes
away. As Asher wrote, ‘one day that shame will become pride.’ Thank you for wanting to serve our country.
I’m glad that you were able to get the help you needed. Also to be able to help others against assault& sexual harassment is awesome!! There’s so many ignorant and closed minded people in the Military!!! I’m pretty sure that one of my drill sergeants in basic training was a closeted Gay man. I was harassed by him as a Straight male myself. He did some questionable things to us. I think he took advantage of us!!??? I served in the ARMY from 1986-1990. I entered the meps from California. Did my basic at Ft Jackson, S.C. right out of highschool. I was 18 and had just graduated highschool only 3 months before I was shipped to basic!!! I was abused at basic like I said, but I am a straight male. I’m pretty sure that one of my drill sergeants was a closeted Gay man. He made us all do some questionable things. I didn’t know because I was 18. Now as a 56yo man I know that we were abused by his power.
“looked at me with disgust and said…”get out of here you f****t” and then “he spit in my face.” I was utterly dumbfounded and completely humiliated beyond repair…”
So you experienced what many Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen faced at the airport when returning CONUS from the Vietnam War. On top of that, the lousy politicians insisted it was a “Policing Action” and not a dang WAR!
As for you personal experience, sorry you had to go thru that. Hate and vitriol is no way to treat a fellow Human Being. Still, that tiresome axiom ‘Haters gonna hate’ is not always an accurate statement. War and the following Peace Time is proof of that. Look at every country that America has battled with since the Colonial days. The French, English, Spanish, Italians, Japanese, Germans, Vietnamese. We have all been such fast friends after hating each other’s guts. My Father went from being a rural town teenager hating Emperor Hirohito’s guts to Standing Guard as an MP to PROTECT Hirohito when General Mac forced him to make his first ever public appearance during the initial Occupation of Japan. He was literally 20 ft away from the most hated man in the Western hemisphere; “Just an ordinary looking guy, short in stature.” Clearly demonstrated in the quick picture he snapped with his Brownie Camera.
I could care less about this queer content. Would appreciate it if you take it down. I don’t agree why sexual deviance should be celebrated.
This is inappropriate content. Straight, gay, or the mentally ill rest of the alphabet. This subject is a private matter. Full stop
I’m a 74 year old Air Force veteran of the Vietnam era. I’m a gay white man who served with honor for my country as my ancestors have since the Revolutionary War. I was in the medical corps and saw enough bigotry and hatred from some against good people, black, brown, indigenous, Jewish, and one Mormon. Hatred, bigotry and ignorance is dividing our country. Homosexuality is not a lifestyle or choice. Why would anyone choose to be a person who’s hated by bigots. I was in a monogamous relationship while in service and after. Our friends knew and accepted us. We didn’t flounce our sexuality, nor do we ever prey on others as many straight guys preyed upon women and dependant daughters. Alcohol and drugs brought many into our emergency rooms. They could have been reported and kicked out but only a few were. Some people believe that God hates us. God doesn’t hate, hate is learned from childhood. And some people never grow out of hate and bigotry. Isn’t it time we all get along? The country is divided by politicians, white supremacy, antisemitism and homophobia. In the 1950s I saw hate directed at Catholics. Why? It made no sense to me, they didn’t seem different, my Catholic friends were like the rest of us. Black kids in my grammar school were set aside from the rest of us in my small town. I didn’t understand. The only two Jewish kids were called names by some kids who learned bigotry from their parents. Then things were getting better until the last couple of decades. I have neighbors who are Southern Baptist, they believe that Fox News, along with certain politicians are responsible for the division of our country. They have accepted me, they don’t feel threatened by me, they come to do chores that I can’t physically do and don’t expect anything in return but friendship. I was raised Presbyterian in a church my ancestors helped build in 1740. While in service I was removed from membership without notice. After my time serving, I found out why. Not because I’m gay, that church accepts gays and lesbians. It was the minister. He was against the war, didn’t like the military, his son was a conscientious objector. The minister was sent away. Hatred and bigotry won’t win any war. The world is watching America. The world sees our division and is waiting for us to implode. Gays and lesbians have been and will always serve our country with honor.
Thanks for sharing Ralph…
Thank you for all your support and work for gay veterans and active duty.
Don’t forget transphobia who are public enemy #1 right now. SMFH
Some of those clowns are trolling in this article as though aliens asked them to come over here and read it. What a joke they are. And, NO we’re not going anywhere, dudes.
Thank you Ralph for sharing, Asher’s story and your response should be published! I hope this reaches a broad audience as many will benefit from these insightful words!
Thank you, there are many stories of veterans, straight and gay that need to be shared. Read up on Leonard Matlovich who fought in Vietnam, awarded the Bronze Star, Purple Heart and Air Force commendation. Enlisted 1963, discharged 1975 for being gay. Received an Honorable Discharge because of his awards and bravery in war. Tried for reinstatement but lost.
He requested not to have his name on his gravestone just –
“A Gay Vietnam Veteran’ with the words:
“When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.”
He’s buried in the Congressional Cemetery less than 20 yards from J. Edgar Hoover.
What a powerful and prophetic statement made by Leonard Matlovich…What a courageous and honorable man…He was a true asset to the military even though the military obviously never realized it at the time…Thanks for sharing this Ralph…I’ll never forget his words…
Thanks for sharing your story Ralph!!! I served in the regular ARMY right out of highschool in 1986-1990. I went in during the DADT era. I am a straight male. I saw lots of bad things there. I’m pretty sure that one of my drill sergeants was a closeted Gay man. He made us do some questionable things. Like doing pushups while nude. Myself and 3 other guys ran to the showers. We only had time at night before lights out to; shower, write letters, or whatever. He turned the lights out. When I yelled for someone to turn the lights back on he was standing there. He then told us to get out and do some push-ups. We were naked. Everyone else was in the pushups position. He started to make us do pushups nude. I got up and went to get dressed. He told me to get my ass out there or else!!! I was 18 and scared as Hell, but held my ground!!! I defied his request!!! He threatened me with punishment if I didn’t get out there and do pushups!!! I held my ground. I told him that this wasn’t right&I was not going to do any more pushups!!! I never heard a peep out of him after that!!! I was tired of being abused verbally and physically!!!
I believe it dissolves moral and discipline having LGBTQY# allowed in the military, Our military is so much weaker now than it has ever been in History. Sorry for the negative comments but facts are facts.
This nation is plagued with division by Black supremacy, Brown supremacy, and islamic supremacy, as well. Our Native Brothers and Sisters? Left out in the cold, not even an afterthought. My Ancestors were Irish, forced from their Homeland as slaves in the early Colonial days. Majority of my Familial lineage toiled as Tenet Farmers and Sharecroppers. They oft faced discrimination for ‘Being Irish’. English supremacy? Today’s minded folks would call that racism, if it wasn’t European American on European American. As it stands today, in the post Obama Regime era, it is the European American male who receives the most racism and discrimination against them. It is the European American culture and heritage that has been appropriated and being cancelled. So let us be open and fair about the assessment of the tarnish on this no longer shinning ‘Beacon upon the hill’.
Things were even worse before DADT. I am glad to see these stories told.
The VA shouldn’t be spending my tax dollars on someone else’s immoral lifestyle choices.
I posted a comment over 3 hours ago and they have yet to moderate it.
Kudos to Mr. Honish for persevering. LGBT individuals have served our military honorably from the beginning and do not deserve harassment. Appreciative to all the LGBT individuals who make our military —and the VA— stronger!
Not interested in this content.
This is a disgrace, a waste of money and ruining our ability to defend. Gender changing is a mental problem and should not be encouraged especially for military or kids.
Totally agree with Mr. Burke’s comments. Our military supporting this disgrace is ruining our ability to defend our country. Allowing the gender changing miscreants who obviously expect entitlement and now support from the military is a disgrace to our God and our country. Expectation to recognize the gender changers is nothing short of grotesque.
Ed, you are spot on!
That was not the topic or the content of the article. However, I do take issue with anything that threatens Mission Readiness. Whether it is surgeries, pregnancies, muffin tops, cultural reasons, drugs/alcohol, sexual improprieties, racial quotas. LEAVE (inappropriate times), wasted budgets, or even focusing on bullets for promotion; if they call into question ability for complete Mission Readiness, they do NOT have my support. Yes, even if it directly affects me. Like most of y’all, I Enlisted to Serve. That was always first and foremost. Big reason why I did not Enlist till I was 32. Served for 12 years before the Obama Regime boot found me at the high point of my career. No, not what ya think. 2% over the BMI…I was too “fat” too play. Never mind that index gain was caused by medication the Flight Surgeon prescribed for my Service Connected Injury, the ONE medication that Big Navy Regs stated that had a waiver for the BMI.
By the way, most ‘Trans’ folks are very private. They are not out there being all flamboyant, demanding, in your face with who they are, nor are they out there targeting your way of Life. In reality, many of us just want to feel normal. Not have what everyone else believes is normal for then thrust upon us. Ever feel like your are living in a body that is not your own; that you only exist, trapped on the inside looking out? Been experiencing that since Day One of this Life. I can’t tell you that I was born this way. I posit that I came this way, prior to being born.
In other words, something was amiss with the Mysteries of Life when this one was created. Happens all the time, Humans born with preexisting conditions. You can blame my parentage for corrupted DNA, if you want. Would explain why AC electrical current does not hurt me in the least, when it does major harm to everyone else. (A bit of a joke there but it is actually true.)
Remember that old caste system? Look, you are a peasant. Your Grandparents are peasants and so are your Parents. It is not normal for you to go to school and become a Noble of the Court. Such was your assigned normalcy. Nowadays, we all walk our own paths, don’t we? The Great American Experiment threw normalcy right out of the window. When is the last time you shouted, “God save the Queen!”?