Having thoughts of suicide? A plan could save your life

Knowing resources are available and where to find them can be critical for the suicide prevention of you or someone you love.

My little brother Austen and I (pictured above) were 16 months apart, peas and carrots as they say. I went to the University of North Carolina. He went to Duke, nine miles down the road from me. I became a psychologist probably to figure out our childhood wounds and he a genetic scientist. His journey took him to South Korea, where he invented a laser in graduate school that could sequence and print genetic material cheaply and accurately. 

Austen had grandiose and ambitious plans to transform modern medicine and he faced serious existential cross-roads. He ultimately decided to commercialize the laser. This meant leaving his graduate program, moving across the world from his fiancée, living on my couch in San Francisco and building a business from absolutely nothing. Both of our parents were unemployed and I was a psychology intern. If he failed, there was no safety net.

Austen raised over $10 million, mostly while wearing ratty flip flops and his lucky black and gray North Face vest. He opened a laboratory near the San Francisco Giants stadium, hired a cracker-jack team, recruited leading scientific advisors, presented his ideas at conferences around the world and built that laser. He was touched by fire and then…

The pressure and loneliness, so common to the entrepreneurial journey, started to extinguish his spark. Austen became stuck in his head, tortured by his thoughts and scared to seek the help he needed. He died by suicide in the lab where his dream had started. He died on my wedding anniversary, a day that will forever be bittersweet and complicated for me.

“Making meaning of his death by turning pain into purpose.”

A sibling is a passenger who rides alongside you, witnessing your most formative, early experiences. Your perspectives may be different, but there is no one else who can know your world like they do. Austen’s passing left a tremendous void that I’m slowly learning to live with.

As time passes, my grief has slowly transitioned into making meaning of his death by turning pain into purpose. My goal has been to help ensure that everyone in Austen’s shoes can get the support they need and deserve. I’ve researched, advocated for and spoken publicly about how it is mission critical to support mental health and well-being of entrepreneurs and military Veterans. Veterans represent more than 10% of business owners in the United States and employ over five million people!

I am incredibly lucky to be part of a team at the VA National Center for PTSD (NCPTSD) that has created a portfolio of free, private and science-based mobile mental health apps. Veterans and entrepreneurs may see different forms of combat in their work, but they both share significantly increased risk for dying by suicide. The latest app NCPTSD has developed, Safety Plan, helps people manage thoughts of suicide and other difficult feelings.  

Many people believe you can’t stop someone who really wants to die, but suicide is preventable. An acute suicide crisis often lasts less than an hour and, in some cases, less than a few minutes. 

Research shows that having a plan for what to do during that short window saves lives. Safety Plan walks an individual through creating a six-step plan to stay alive when experiencing thoughts of suicide or a crisis. Sometimes folks in crisis just need a simple distraction. The app also has cat videos and corny dad jokes for that. If you or someone you love struggles with thoughts of suicide, give Safety Plan a try.

“Life is waiting for you and I promise it’s worth it.”

In my clinical work with entrepreneurs, facilitating peer support groups and individual therapy, it’s clear just how lonely the journey can be. Terror and euphoria ride the same rollercoaster during enterprise formation. But like any human trying to build something from nothing, without the right guardrails, we can get lost between the wiggles of hope and wallows in the trough of sorrow. A few lucky ones will enter the elusive promised land, but the majority of entrepreneurs will stumble and many do inevitably fail.

In order to help entrepreneurs realize their full potential, we need to proactively provide access to mental health resources. Once an entrepreneur is in crisis, the ripple effects go far and it can be difficult to recoup the damage.  

As I said when giving Austen’s eulogy, “If you don’t want to be alive anymore, know that one day you will experience joy that matches this unbearable pain. You might be stuck here in the darkness for a while, but hang on if you can. Life is waiting for you and I promise it’s worth it.”

Life has its storms. You don’t have to navigate them alone. That’s true whether it’s an everyday struggle or something more complicated. VA provides extensive resources for many of life’s challenges at Don’t wait. Reach out.

If you’re a Veteran in crisis or concerned about one, contact the Veterans Crisis Line to receive 24/7 confidential support. You don’t have to be enrolled in VA benefits or health care to connect. To reach responders, Dial 988 then Press 1, chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat, or text 838255. 

Heinz is a clinical research psychologist at the VA National Center for PTSD Public Digital Health Innovation Program and Stanford University. She has committed her career to building, disseminating and evaluating digital tools that promote mental wellbeing for all.