Holiday survival guide for women Veterans

The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. Seeing family, spending time with friends, baking and cooking, decorating…

But sometimes they are not so wonderful. The holidays can bring happy times and memories but can also cause a great deal of stress and pressure for women Veterans to make this season meet expectations.

In addition to the joy of the holidays, you may feel sadness or loneliness if you are unable to spend the holidays with those you love. Likewise, you may feel overwhelmed by the thought of spending time with family, attending holiday parties or keeping up with children’s activities.

If you have ongoing mental health concerns, the stress of the holidays may make your symptoms feel worse.

All these feelings—happiness, stress, sadness, loneliness—are reasonable. Give yourself permission to take a break and get help, for yourself and others. Explore useful tips and resources VA offers to help you not only survive but thrive during the holiday season.

Thriving during the holidays

You can thrive during the holidays by using strategies to reduce stress. And reducing stress may start with changing your mindset, such as looking at what is important to you and making time for yourself.

Set boundaries

It is okay to say no! A boundary is a limit that you set for yourself and communicate it with others. It’s a line you draw to maintain your peace, comfort and energy. To create a boundary, decide which activities are most important to you. If you are not interested or feeling up to other activities this year, politely say no. You don’t have to offer explanations or excuses.

For activities that seem necessary, look for ways to delegate tasks. For example, perhaps a friend or family member can prepare dinner while you get the children ready for the school holiday party.

Setting boundaries can also mean scaling back. If you always bake six desserts for the holidays, perhaps this year make two. If you have loads of gifts to wrap, try using large reusable gift bags instead of wrapping individual gifts. Better yet, ask a friend or family member to help you.

Make time for you

VA can help you survive and thrive during the holidays.

Set aside time every day to do something you love. Try having coffee with a friend, spending a few minutes outdoors, listening to music or practicing mindfulness. Doing activities you enjoy can ease stress and lift your mood.

Exercise regularly

You probably remember from your time in the military that exercise can build energy and stamina as well as reduce stress and anxiety. You may no longer want to do ten-mile hikes but a quick walk through your neighborhood or 20 minutes of chair exercises can provide the sense of calm you need. Some Veterans find motivation and useful tips through the VA MOVE! App.

Make connections

Feeling lonely during the holidays is common, too. Fortunately, there are many ways to reach out to old friends or make new friends, both virtually and in-person. Here are a few suggestions:

• Schedule a video call with an old friend
• Participate in virtual exercise classes, such as with Team Red, White, and Blue
• Check out local Veteran Support Organizations (such as American Legion or VFW), schools, senior centers or charities (such as USO) for ways to volunteer
• Attend a neighborhood activity
• Host an in-person watch party of your favorite sport or holiday movie and ask everyone to bring their favorite movie theater treat
• Connect with other Veterans you served with through the Together We Served Veterans Roll of Honor website or its ‘Veteran Finder’ app, which offers access to a comprehensive directory of all 2.1 million Veteran members who’ve registered their information. You may also want to try RallyPoint, an online community where you can join nearly two million former and current members of the military to discuss issues, share information and exchange stories.

Ask for help

Asking for help can be tough. It really is a sign of strength. It takes strength to admit that you cannot do it all and to ask others to pitch in. Many people find joy in helping others and are looking for ways to feel needed. If you really want to make cookies for the holidays, ask a friend to come over and bake with you.

Sometimes you may need more in-depth help. If you are feeling sad or hopeless or losing interest in activities that used to be enjoyable or are feeling restless, jumpy, or on edge, or excessively worrying about everyday decisions, you should talk with your VA primary care provider. VA can help.

Turn to VA

VA offers a host of Whole Health resources, such as breathing exercises, meditation, tai chi and yoga that can help you survive and thrive during the holiday season. Resources are available for health conditions, such as chronic pain, that may affect your stress levels.

You may need more than the at-home suggestions to deal with your stress or anxiety. Work with your VA primary care provider to set up your own personal stress management plan. These plans include real tools and techniques to manage or harness stress in a positive way.

If your symptoms are ongoing or getting worse, don’t put off asking for help. Depression is the most common diagnosis among women Veterans. Women Veterans also experience other mental health concerns, like posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) at rates higher than non-Veteran women.

If you have questions about enrollment or where to find the health services you need, call or text the Women Veterans Call Center at 855-829-6636.

If you are experiencing a crisis, or know someone who is, reach out to the Veterans Crisis Line by dialing 988, then pressing 1. You can also chat online or send a text to 838255. That line operates 24/7, provides confidential crisis support, and you don’t have to be enrolled in VA benefits or health care to connect.